Licking My Wounds

My Lugnuts. My Fantasy Team. My Bastards. You break my heart.
Last week of the season before playoffs and you decide to catch fire.
Too bad we were eliminated from playoff contention five weeks ago.
I should file a restraining order against Nick Swisher, I feel like I'm being abused.
But I love him anyway.
He ruins my fantasy team for the entire season, and just after I write about how there's no way he'll be wearing the Lugnut Cap next season, he has to go and catch on fire.
Three dingers in three days.
How do I justify leaving him now?
Scott Kazmir, you little runt you. I love you to death, but every morning, I flavor my coffee with tears because I can't stand the fact that you're bullpen steals 50+ wins from you every season. You're about as useful to me as a long inning reliever.
But I love him anyway.
Joe Mauer, you represent everything that is good and wonderful with the human race.
Too bad that's not a stat in my league this year.
Last season he's leading the league in batting average. The kid hits and no one can stop him.
Then he puts on a Lugnuts jersey.
But I love him anyway.

Barry Bonds. You're foot is hurting.

You'll never wear a Lugnuts Cap, no matter how many records you break.

You'll never have the opportunity to ruin one of my fantasy baseball season.

I hate you.